The Seven-Life Itch, Part One

As Uncle Tubbs is embarking on his quest for Epic Completionist after collecting all of the Heroic lives he wanted, I’ve been thinking a bit on something different for a Heroic-level toon.

Sure, Orsyn the Palificer hasn’t quite made it to twenty yet (although dangerously close), but that’s more or less an amalgamation of two classes I’ve done multiple times over.  I’ve had several artificers, but when it comes to paladins and monks, I’ve had dozens of each.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my paladins, monks, and artificers to death – it’s just time for something different as a side project.  Something different with a splash of serious, not like the short-lived Squibbletooth of the Mighty Toenail, the half-orc artificer/sorcerer, which was just for kicks.

Primary spellthrowers are pretty much right out.  Me behind the keyboard of a caster is tantamount to Jabba the Hutt tutoring a minotaur in the art of needlepoint, and contains approximately the same amount of nonsensical bellowing.

Given the amount of indecision, I’ll take a look at the list of classes and races.  Keep in mind, before you start reading, that this is not an evaluation on how good a class or race is, but merely how “new” it will be from my end of the keyboard.



I have close to forty dwarf lives under my belt.  This one’s right out before we even begin counting.  Sorry, #stumpy4life, but you’re going to have to take a back seat on this one.  (cries)


Immano of Llawriennal, my 17 cleric/3 monk hybrid which led in no small part to the wonderfulsauce that is Uncle Tubbs, is an elf.  While I don’t have anything against the race in particular (aside from the inevitable “dwarf-player anti-elf animosity”), I have seen Immano run about for many levels, and I can’t un-see the “twinkle-toes-like Liberace prancing.”  It makes taking an elf seriously very challenging.  So, sorry, elf, you’re out, too.


While there’s only one currently standing halfling in my lineup, I’ve played precisely globzook of them on 100-favor dashes.  It’s really hard to beat a halfling monk Henshin Mystic with a quarterstaff for a favor blitz when it comes to completion speed – quick to create, quick to run, and did I mention zoom?  So, once again, sorry, halfling.


I am a human, IRL.  (Sadly.  Dwarf power!  And yes, I’d totally take a real-life Heart of Wood and come back as a dwarf, given the chance, without a second’s hesitation.)  The idea of playing a human in pretty much any game when I have the option to play something else is pretty low on my priority list.  That said, it’s not surprising that I’ve yet to play any human characters (not counting PDKs) in DDO.  This might be a strong contender.. but.. it’s human.  As the dretch say, flerb.


I haven’t finished a drow life out, but there has been a test build or two.  The latest one (a month or so ago) was an attempt at a low-level Shiradi Shuricannon build;  while I’m well aware that Vet II is not Epic, I scrapped the slot for… oh, I don’t know, it might have been Orsyn.  Can’t say with any real fidelity that I’ve given them their due, even in comparison with other test builds.  So drow is, I suppose, a possibility;  although I will have to verify there isn’t any “prancing” like the regular elves.  If prancing is present, the drow will have to wait.  Possibly forever.


I haven’t played a half-elf aside from a few test builds, either.  No prancing present, a mixture of both elven and human bonuses, and dilettante feats.. this one is starting to look pretty good.  And, I don’t have to deal with playing a human.  Shudder.  For now, half-elf is in the lead of my totally scientific and impartial rating system.


It’s going to probably amuse a few readers to see me type the following:  Yes, the dwarf player is going to complain that the half-orc movement is “clunky.”  They seem sluggish and slow to respond, more so than warforged.  Maybe I’m immune to dwarven clunkiness after having played them (obsessively) for so long;  who knows?  Aside from that, I’ve briefly dabbled in a couple of half-orcs, but only on (extremely) short-lived 100-favor builds before I settled on the halfling henshin.  Of course, if I went half-orc, I couldn’t go the obvious route of great-weapon barbarian, and would have to do something a little different – a half-orc swashbuckler with a rapier, perhaps?  It’s an idea.


I’ve rolled a handful of toasters, and have very little negative to say about them.  Truth be told, built properly, they’re pretty bloody wicked.  Aapex Predator’s (currently 28 Bladeforged Paladin) first life was a warforged melee artificer, and that was an absolute riot.  Having said that, the Brave Little Toaster will have to wait out this one.


So.  Much.  Win.  Aside from dwarves, Bladeforged are my second-favorite race.  Having said that, it’s only natural that I’ve run a load of them – Aapex is my current “brute” at-cap – as well as in test builds and favor on other servers.  Every now and then, I’m still tempted to jump to Thelanis and my still relatively-new Bladeforged there, “Cleanning Up Old Connection” (so named from the login issues that plagued Argonessen and Orien several weeks back) every now and then.  Which also means that Bladeforged is out.  Sad face.


I don’t own Morninglord, so, um, there.  Next!

Purple Dragon Knight

I haven’t yet taken a PDK seriously for anything more than favor farming or the occasional Disposable Hero – you know, the ones you roll up super-quick to group with some friends who are currently out of your level range.  Of course, once I acquired Bladeforged, all of my Disposables became pointy toasters, so that left the PDK somewhat dusty.  At the same token – there are other races that I haven’t played hardly at all, or never, so that kicks PDK down a few notches.. and I’m not terribly fond of the favor cleanup starting at 15 on a “serious” build burdens you with.


See Morninglord.

The Verdict!!

In the order of points awarded in a completely arbitrary system designed by the judging committee of me, the top three contenders stand at the final round as follows:

  1.       Half-Elf
  2.       Half-Orc
  3.       Drow

Revisiting some points I made earlier, and with some thoughts on the general elf-ishness of the other two contenders, the clear winner – in no way, whatsoever, biased against those tall, lanky, pointy-eared sorts – will be revealed after a brief drumroll.

Okay, so I can’t put a drumroll here, just like, raspberry your lips for a second or something to simulate it.

Done?  Good.

Without further ado –



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